Humility

[bar_khela]

My friends,

I will address all of you openly.

I've displayed a vast amount of arrogance for the past two weeks.

You have my apologies, Dave, Keith, and Paul.

I am stricken with a calamity. It eats away my insides and pervades the tender sides of my brain night and day.

Night and day, I fall deeper into an emotional distress.

I am angry! Yes, brothers, I am angry for what I've gone through.

I've been denied the sweet years of nourishment from my mother. I've been denied the strong admonition from my father.

I've denied myself of practicing what I've preached to so many.

Yes, brothers, I am a hypocrite.

This, I confess, because I cannot feel the truth anymore. I believe Alaha has sealed my heart and closed my eyes because I've sinned so willingly.

This is my punishment: Hell inside. It rages. Twists you and turns you until you can hear your bones crack. Blood boil.

Where is my guidance? I do not know what I am called to do.

Why did I disobey my God continuously while knowing the consequences of my actions?

I feel too ashamed to stand before Him now because I went back on my repentance times over.

Ah, I am looking outside and the skies is peach-colored. Another day gone.

I am now waiting for Judgment.

To you, Keith, I tell you this. Do you hear me? Who can? Will you listen to the son of dust or tread him?

I see the Truth but do not know how to approach it or change myself.

My heart is not sincere for worship.

Hell is my recompense.